I have been feeling very uneasy these days and things are definitely not going well for me, especially from the start of February till now. There are many things that I have worry about every day. During the start of February, I was worrying about my final year project presentation. After I was done with it, I was worried about not scoring well and unable to get nominated for distinction panel (which I was not nominated after all). Then comes the worry about university applications; choosing courses, getting all my documents ready, mailing or sending them to the universities, etc. Now I am afraid that no universities will accept me. Everyone has been telling me that I will definitely get into university just because my GPA is high...

BUT

High GPA  ≠ Definite spot in university

我很怕，我很担心，但没有人知道也没有人相信我会感到不安。

Nothing has been sailing smooth, I hate this.

And I dislike the fact that I always feel inferior whenever I am writing, typing or speaking in English.

I have also been trying to maintain a positive relationship with family, friends and everyone I know. I know I have been saying this all the time but time to time, I lose friends who were once so dearly to me. Things are also looking down between my family members and I. I don't know how I can pull through all this. 

And I have also mentioned before that I do not have anyone to confide to. I came to realise that rather than not having a person to talk to, I choose not to disclose anything to anyone. There is a transparent barrier that I cannot and do not know how to overcome.

 

I am pessimistic.